Roll the Dice
by Aida
Summary: Perhaps, even though she hates to put it into words so bluntly, perhaps Michael is just better than nothing. Jan before Casino Night.


It's been a while since packing a bag has held so much significance for Jan.

When Michael had called earlier today to invite her to Casino Night, she automatically refused. She had been avoiding his morale boosting gatherings for years and she was somewhat surprised that he still even bothered to call her. Even though her evenings now were hardly filled with exciting outings it still seemed a waste of time to spend five hours just to see Michael make a fool out of himself and his employees bored to death.

But an hour went by and she couldn't get the ridiculous idea of going to Scranton out of her head so she bit the bullet and called to accept the invitation. And, it should be said – she was exceptionally nice to Michael during that conversation.

So now she's almost ready to go, she's placed her bag on the bed and wonders what she should pack apart from a shirt, a toothbrush and a couple of CDs she will listen to on the way to Scranton.

She tries not to dwell too much on the fact that she's just shaved her legs, even though she did it this morning and she's wearing jeans anyway. She hesitates a little before she grabs a bottle of perfume from her nightstand. She remembers wearing it that night - the night of their quasi-hook up.

That night, he held her in her hotel room and let her talk. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined Michael like that, but he was the perfect listener. And when he spoke after her outburst of incoherent words, he didn't offer cheap consolation by making stupid impressions or compare her life to a TV show.

And not once during the entire night did he talk about himself.

He made her tea – he said she was too wired already to drink coffee. He didn't mock her when she hiccuped after a few minutes of the most embarrassing sobbing. He was there exclusively for her. And being the centre of his attention turned out to be surprisingly comforting.

And, after all was said and done, Michael certainly wasn't the worst kisser in the world.

But then morning came and that little overnight bubble immediately burst. She woke up sore after sleeping on his shoulder, her clothes wrinkled and her hair in a mess. In the bright morning light everything seemed different – awkward and ugly. The fear of Dunder Mifflin workers seeing her in the parking lot, the slight hangover, the terrifying thought of people at the corporate finding out – it all made her think what a colossal mistake she had made.

It didn't really help that Michael kept blabbing to everyone about that night. And he wasn't beyond exaggerating the events of it, either. Maybe it was his revenge, she thinks, even though she knows that's just how he is, and that he probably never meant any harm by it.

She kissed him on Valentine's Day. And it was... sweet. It didn't cause the instant panic from last year, mostly just a shock that after she's gone to so much trouble convincing him there was nothing between them, she has made a full circle.

As she stands in her bedroom now, trying to decide whether to pack a black satin nightie or a red lace one, she's knows she probably qualifies for a psychological treatment, but for once she decides to throw caution in the wind.

Maybe they'll go out for a drink after that Casino Night. If only they could get away from the cameras and people he would love to impress, maybe he would be different . Maybe he would again show this side of him she had only seen for five hours. Maybe, instead of talking nonsense, he will once again tell her in a low voice that everything will be alright.

Michael is just as lonely as she is. In a brief flash of realization she sees that despite being so clueless, he is full of affection and warmth that no one really wants from him.

Jan knows she surely could use some of it.

Perhaps, even though she hates to put it into words so bluntly, perhaps Michael is just better than nothing.

She finally throws the black nightie in the bag – because she bought it afer the divorce and her ex-husband had never seen her in it.

Before she leaves, she checks if all the the lights are turned off and sets the alarm. After all, she's not planning on coming home tonight.


End file.
